It Was Never Meant To Happen This Way
by turnedtosteel
Summary: When Sam has a torrid affair with Crowley, neither of them are prepared for the consequences. Samley, mpreg, top!Sam, bottom!Crowley, Established Destiel because why not. Rated M for smut and violence. WIP.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Now aren't you lucky my pretties, two uploads in one day? So this is my first multichaptered fic, set just after they discover The Bunker but then disregarding everything after that. I've never really shipped Sabriel which is why you have a Samley on your hands. I'll update as often as I can but bare with me on it :)**

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Pulling up to the motel Sam was thankful that there were spare cars in the garage of The Bunker. Even though he could have easily taken the Impala he didn't want to have to talk to Dean to get the keys; they had only been there two days and the older hunter was driving him insane. Rather than shoot him Sam figured it was better for him to unwind somewhere else alone for a few days.

Checking into the single king room under a regular name rather than a rock alias gave him a small measure of excitement, one that would help make him feel normal for a day. He was just getting his bag out of the trunk when he noticed a copy of Casa Erotica in the back corner. Figuring Dean had hidden it there because it was a particularly good DVD, he grabbed it and stuffed it in his duffel without a second thought. The room was surprisingly clean and relief went through the younger Winchester as he threw himself onto the bed and there was no creepy smell to greet him. Despite having his own room in the Bunker, it felt good to be completely alone. He was still stressed though and thought he may as well take advantage of the late hour and solitude to use a leaf from the Dean Winchester Book Of Relaxation.

Reaching for the copy of Casa Erotica, Sam felt himself harden against the fly of his jeans and shifted uncomfortably. Quickly he put the DVD into the machine and settled back against the pillows. Exposing himself, he turned his phone to silent so Dean couldn't disturb him. Blue eyes glowed in the hunter's face as the scene began, and he licked his palm slowly before wrapping his fingers around his aching member. Sam had always been fascinated by his hard cock, how the skin was so soft yet the core was hot and hard. A low groan permeated the room as a blonde walked onto the screen, before a yelp as Sam recognised the fake moustache. _Fuck that was Gabriel!_ This was the message to him and Dean in the event of his death. Hammering the pause button before the archangel on the screen could start talking Sam stuffed his erection back into his boxers and lay down with a sigh, his evening ruined.

"Tell me Moose, what does the angel have that I don't? Is it the Grace or do you just prefer blonds?" The sarcastic voice Sam knew so well drifted over from the motel room door. Leaping to his feet Sam palmed both his gun and Ruby's old knife, levelling his glare at Crowley. The demon was lounging casually against the door checking his nails as if he belonged there.

"What the hell are you doing here Crowley?! Get the hell out before I shoot you." Sam's anger was tangible due to his sexual frustration and Crowley couldn't miss it.

"You forgot to ward the room Moose. Plus the lackey at the desk is one of mine. I came to see why you checked in without Squirrel." The British drawl sent a shiver through the hunter that he didn't understand; the last time that shiver went through him Amelia was arched under him moaning his name. Realising his erection hadn't gone down yet he lowered his weapons and tugged down his shirt, though he did not put them down.

"He was driving me insane. Between running around pretending he's in _Mission Impossible_ and making out with Cas everywhere possible I just wanted to shoot him. I needed some space is all." There was no point lying to Crowley, he would find out some way or another. "Now why are you really here?" snapped Sam, his sexual frustration making him even more grouchy.

"Ouch, Moose your tone hurts me deep within." Crowley smirked as he moved to Sam's side. "Look put the weapons down. I'm not here to kill you, I'm here to help." The king of hell had to look up to see into the blue eyes glaring at him and, against his better judgement, Sam put the gun and the knife aside. "Excellent," the demon purred, "now I can help you and you can help me. No strings attached." Faster than Sam could comprehend Crowley gripped the lapels of the taller man's shirt and pulled him down until their lips collided. Shock froze the hunter and the demon sensed it. "Relax, we both need the release. One time only and I'm not about to tell anyone I let a Winchester fuck me." Sam stepped back in surprise, and then quickly recovered. He was horny as hell as he had no objections to sex with demons or even men for that matter. Besides, he could always try and fuck some respect into the brown eyed man.

Pushing Crowley to his knees he pulled his cock back out of his jeans. "Suck." The command was brusque and aroused the demon further. Sam began to thrust into Crowley's mouth, holding onto the thinning hair for more control. The thrusts became more urgent and saliva began to drool from the Englishman's mouth as he hummed and gagged on Sam's thick length. All too soon Sam quickly withdrew and pulled Crowley up to the bed. The demon bent over and dropped his trousers while the blue eyed man grabbed the lotion from his duffel. "I hope you aren't going to waste any time with preparation or any of that nonsense. Believe me I like the rough stuff." Crowley looked over his shoulder and enjoyed the widening of the hunter's eyes as he saw the bright red buttplug buried deep in the demon's ass. Sam said nothing, instead ripping it out and quickly shoving his throbbing cock into the gaping hole. Both men let out loud groans of pleasure as the hunter bottomed out, brown eyes turning red in pleasure. Without giving Crowley time to adjust, Sam began thrusting almost viciously in and out, not caring if he caused pain or pleasure. The slapping sound of flesh meeting flesh was drowned out by the demon mewling and begging Sam for more while the scent of sex filled the room. Without breaking his rhythm Sam lifted his shirt over his head, and the sweat ran in rivulets down his dark toned body. Fearing Sam was nearing his climax Crowley reached for his own hard cock, but the hunter slapped his ass hard enough to elicit a whimper of pain. Both of the demon's arms were violently pulled back and Sam held up the smaller man by his elbows. The change in position had the hunter's cock hitting the tiny bundle of nerves within Crowley and within seconds he was stiffening in the throes of orgasm. His raw ass clenched Sam like a vice, causing the hunter's own orgasm to hit him from nowhere. Emptying himself into the demon Sam collapsed onto the bed.

"Sorry to leave you like this Moose but I have things to do. Toodles." Crowley stood quickly and, after buttoning his trousers back up vanished. Sam was too worn out to care, however, and fell asleep minutes after the demon left. Before he did, he realised how much he enjoyed that not because he wanted the sex but because of who it was with. Dammit Dean could never know what happened between him and Crowley, not after Ruby.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry it took so long for the upload, I've just started a new job so I've been exhausted. I'm also struggling to write just a chapter without cramming my entire story in. This chapter is a little more smut but it's starting to build my plot up. Also I've chucked in a little Destiel fluff because I just couldn't resist. The incantation is the one used in the show copies from the SPN wikia, so I totally deserve points for accuracy. Anyway enjoy, rate and review :)**

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Sam came home three days later and within hours he was craving the demon's touch. While Castiel was happy to see him as always, Dean noticed there was something not quite right with his baby brother; he was easily irritated, wasn't eating and seemed distant. At first he was worried Sam had lost his soul again but Cas put his mind to rest.

"Are you sure he's not soulless, Cas? Like really sure, 'cause I can't go through that again." Dean paced around the room he shared with his boyfriend, kicking aside the duffel he had ready to go in case a job came up. He looked to the angel, sprawled across their memory foam mattress ("_IT REMEMBERS US CAS!")_ completely unperturbed by the situation.

"Yes Dean, please stop worrying. I think he just has other things on his mind. I know he misses Amelia very much." The angel pulled Dean to his side and cuddled into him, feeling the hunter relax at his touch. While normally he would just reach into Sam's mind and find out what was bothering the younger man, since he had become romantically involved with Dean he was learning more about human behaviour and now considered it an invasion of privacy. He figured he should distract his lover and pulled his lips to the brunets. Dean smiled against Cas' mouth and responded to the kiss with enthusiasm.

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As the muffled sound of a headboard bouncing on a wall drifted through The Bunker to where Sam was sat in the kitchen, the younger Winchester drained his third cup of coffee that hour. He hadn't been able to sleep since that night with Crowley and he was torn between wanting to do it again and self hatred. Abandoning the coffee for some of his brother's 'secret' bottle of Scotch, he tried to reason why wanting more was such a bad thing. _Well it IS Crowley_, his inner voice told him, _and not only is he a douchenozzle, he's also the King of Hell who is trying to find Kevin and the second half of the god damn Demon Tablet!_ Hammering back the liquor, he had almost made up his mind to forget his encounter had ever happened and find a blonde chippie in a bar to vent his frustrations out on sexually when he heard the scream of pleasure Castiel let out. Snatching up his summoning kit, he stormed out of the Bunker and into the surrounding woods.

Sam set up the ritual to summon Crowley with practised precision. Stepping back he sliced his palm with the demon killing knife and squeezed his blood into the bowl set upon a tree stump. "...Et ad congregandum...eos coram me." He hated himself for saying the incantation but threw the match onto the spell anyway. The flare of light died away but Sam looked around and saw he was still alone. Fury overtook him and he swiped the ritual from the stump with a scream. He gasped for breath trying to control himself, when the seductive purr came from behind him._  
_

"Temper temper Moose. Looks like you need an outlet." He turned to see the King of Hell stood behind him. Relief and lust flowed through the hunter as he took in the smaller man, dressed resplendently in a navy three piece suit. Sam shook himself. Why was he admiring what Crowley was wearing?

"Because I was a tailor, and I know how to look at my best. And you wonder why I call you Moose." In other circumstances the sass the demon always spoke with would have made Sam want to shoot him, but now he revelled in the sound. Sam's blue eyes took in every inch of Crowley, and that didn't escape the demon's notice.

"I don't think so Gigantor. Like I said, one time deal. I know I'm irresistible but that's no excuse for summoning me in the middle of my massage time." The demon looked smug; he had Sam Winchester in the palm of his hand and since they had an angel on their side, this was some serious leverage. "Gonna have to love you and leave you I'm afraid, Sammy boy." A moment passed and Crowley hadn't moved. Looking down, he moved some leaves with his foot to reveal a Devil's Trap in green paint. Now it was the green eyed man's turn to be overcome with rage. "You think you can blackmail me into SEX WITH YOU?! Who the hell do you think you are?"

"The man who will only set you free if you let me fuck you again." Sam's smile was tight as he felt himself harden against his jeans again. He rubbed his crotch and unbuttoned the jeans, secretly thrilled when Crowley couldn't help but lick his lips as he watched. "You want me in you again, don't you demon?" He pulled out his erection and stroked it slowly. As the woods filled with the sweet scent of pine as it began to rain, Crowley sank to his knees and opened his mouth submissively. In three strides Sam crossed the distance between them and forced his cock to the back of the demon's mouth. The thrusts only lasted minutes as Crowley sucked like a pro and the hunter didn't want to come too quickly. Pulling out, he viciously pulled out and pushed his lover onto his hands, ripping the slacks and thrusting deep into Crowley's ass.

The sex was brutal and they both needed it that way. They screamed their pleasure as Crowley gripped Sam like a vice every time the taller man hit his prostate. They came at the same time, the hunter filling the demon and the demon in turn covering the undergrowth. They separated, shame filling them both at how much they enjoyed the act and Sam broke the Devil's Trap in silence. He turned to the demon who held up his hand.

"I'll come if you call. You know, on my phone. There's no need to summon me because you can actually fuck pretty well and I enjoy it. But you tell nobody and if you rip one of my suits again I will flay you alive." Crowley disappeared and Sam headed back to The Bunker, the buzz in his veins reminding him of how demon blood got him juiced. That should have worried him but as he relaxed into his first genuine smile in days, he ignored any alarm in his mind.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey everyone, sorry this chapter took so long. I've been working what feels non stop and just didn't have time to get this typed. Sorry this is so short; it was longer on paper, but I've planned up to chapter 9 so far though, so my updates should come sooner. No smut in this chapter :O but the drama begins and I've added a little Cas-based humour just to lighten the mood. Anyway enjoy and R&amp;R (:**

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Without realising it, Sam became increasingly addicted to his meetings with Crowley. They managed to avoid Dean each time, meeting in various motels while Sam was hunting, as well as in the woods behind The Bunker. When they couldn't meet for days at a time Sam would become twitchy and short-tempered, something that worried Dean further. He knew there was something wrong with his baby brother and no matter what Cas thought, it was serious. Deciding to wait until Cas was in the shower so they didn't have an audience, Dean tried to broach the subject over breakfast one morning. The younger Winchester knew his brother was going to try to talk to him about his behaviour change over the past month and realised too late he was already anxious having not met Crowley in four days. Dean cleared his throat but before he could speak Sam put down his spoon and left his cereal untouched.

"Look Dean, I understand you're worried about me but there's no need, I'm honestly fine." Sam gave a weak smile as he spoke, but Dean didn't buy it for an instant.

"Bullshit Sam. You don't sleep for days on end, you barely eat and I'm scared to talk to you just in case you shoot me in the face or something. Hell even Cas is walking on eggshells around you and he never notices these things. I know there's something wrong with you Sammy, and I just want to be able to help you." Although Sam could see Dean was just worried, the pitying look in his brother's eyes sent the taller man into a rage. He stood and towered over the shorter man, his chair scraping loudly over the white tiles of the kitchen floor. Shaking with fury it took Sam all of his self control to not launch himself at his brother.

"I don't need your fucking pity Dean! Just leave me the fuck alone. If I say I'm fine then I am and that's the end of this discussion." Refusing to let his own brother intimidate him Dean stood too, punching his fist into the solid oak table. Both Winchesters attempted to stare the other down, ignoring Castiel as he walked into the kitchen, sat down and began eating the honey on the table with a spoon.

"God fucking damn you, Sam. Sorry Cas," Dean touched his boyfriend on the shoulder in apology before continuing, "you're acting exactly the same way you did when you were jacked up on demon blood, and the only reason I don't think you're drinking again is because Cas would smell it on you and he hasn't picked up on it. Now either sort your fucking shit out and come and find me when you're back to normal, or get the fuck out of here." Dean went to storm out of the kitchen when Cas caught his arm.

"Dean wait. While I cannot sense demon blood in Sam, I can however feel his addiction. What it is for I cannot say, but that is the cause of his erratic behaviour." Reaching up he tapped Sam on the forehead, clearing his mind of the addiction haze. Sam blinked, and realised his hunger was overwhelming. As he reached for the cereal and began gulping it down as quickly as he could, Cas sat back at the table and pulled Dean into the seat next to him and leaned in close. "This is not worth forsaking your brother for," Cas said in a low voice, "and despite how he acts he needs our help." He sat back and smiled openly, "Now is there any more honey, Deanbean?" Sam choked on the last of his cereal at the sound of his brother's nickname and Dean laughed.

"Of course there's more honey. Sam do you want some more of that?" As Sam nodded enthusiastically, the older brother stood and went to the cupboard, throwing another jar of blossom honey at the angel. He glanced back and, saw Sam eating his toast and smiled. Grabbing the box of Lucky Charms, he thought of the memories of watching his baby brother grow up and wondered how they got to this point, where Sam's addictions have left him with eating to catch upon. What he didn't see however, was the widening of Cas' eyes as the angel reached into Sam's mind and found the cause of his addiction...


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hi guys, so to make up for the scatty updates this is gonna be a pretty smutty chapter. Like almost (okay, is) MA smut between Sam and Crowley. However if hardcore gay smut isn't your cup of tea either skip towards the end cause there's an important thing happening, or don't read the fic. I mean seriously why read a smut fic if you don't like slash? Anyway I digress. Reviews pleassssse! :D**

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Despite Cas relieving Sam of his addiction, it was only a few days before the hunter contacted Crowley again.

_*I nd 2 c u*_

_*Seriously Moose can you not text in English yet? When and where?*_

_*motel 6, glenley ne. am 5 mins away*_

_*I'll be there in 10 minutes, be naked.*_

"I'll be back in a few hours Dean, I'm gonna go do some research. Call Cas over or something so you don't get bored and yes I'll bring pie." Sam hurried from the motel room before Dean could reply and walked the 10 blocks to the motel he had arranged to meet Crowley at. The bored looking clerk hid a smirk as the hunter booked a room only a few hours, but didn't ask questions just as she'd been trained. Once inside the dingy room he text Crowley the room number and stripped as quickly as possible, the anticipation of being inside his lover making him hard quickly. He lay on the bed and began stroking himself slowly, squeezing the head and base of his cock to stop himself coming so soon. A small drop of precome oozed from the tip of his cock and Sam, unable to resist the salty taste of himself, swept it up and sucked it from his finger. The bitter taste had the hunter groaning deep in his throat and his toes turned as he roughly pumped his cock faster. He gripped the sheets, and as he began thrusting his hips in time with his hand he realised he was past the point of no return. His moans got louder and his left hand left the sheets to run up and down his stomach and chest the same way Crowley would when the demon rode him. The gentle touch was a sensory overload and Sam came with a bark, covering his chest and stomach with his sticky release.

"Why did you start without me?" Crowley's voice was low and as Sam looked up gasping he could hear the shorter man's need for him. The demon stood before him naked, the body usually hidden in fine cut suits slowly getting more toned as his meetings with Sam increased. Sam motioned for his lover to come closer and Crowley crossed the room with grace to rival a dancers. Straddling the hunter he dipped his head to lazily lap at the streaks of semen across Sam's hot skin. In practiced movements they adjusted their positions, and knowing the demon would be ready for him Sam slid his still hard member all the way into Crowley. While when they started Sam would begin thrusting without caring if he hurt the smaller man, he waited for them both to adjust to the tight fit.

They began to move together, Sam thrusting up as Crowley rotated his hips. Their eyes met and part of Sam knew this was no longer just about sex, but he shooed that idea away. This could only ever be about the sex but his body did not want to comply. He flipped them over, pulling out of Crowley but before the demon could protest the taller man did something he had never done: he dragged his tongue along the underside of Crowley's hard cock. He had intended to go slow but as soon as his tongue touched the hot skin Sam lost control.

He lapped and sucked the purple head, groaning at the salty flavour of the precome dripping into his mouth. His tongue trailed up and down the hard length, and as his lover's hips arched he let his tongue drift lower, flicking over the puckered hole. Crowley struggled to stay in control, his eyes turning red as his fingers entwined in his lover's hair, but all too soon he felt a tightening deep in his stomach. The demon began to pull away, not wanting to freak the hunter out but Sam looked up at that moment. Red eyes met hazel and Sam nodded once, before opening his mouth to allow Crowley to thrust faster and deeper. The demon panted faster and faster before calling Sam's name as he began to come, the hot liquid filling Sam's mouth. The hunter swallowed quickly, getting a familiar buzz in his veins and quickly mounted Crowley. Their movements were no longer slow and instead Sam pounded in and out of Crowley with long deep strokes. Both men knew this was more for the hunter and the smaller man lifted his hips to meet the thrusts. That was all Sam needed and his rhythm became disjointed, before freezing to spill his load deep inside Crowley. They collapsed together, lips meeting as they held each other.

Their peace was shattered quickly however, as the sound of wings flapping filled the room. Sam bolted from the bed to find Cas standing at the door, his expression dark with fury.

"This is an abomination, Sam. It needs to end." Sam opened his mouth to reply but Crowley beat him to it.

"It's none of your business angel. We're both consenting adults, unless you mean the whole gay thing. Which I doubt considering how 'well' you know Dean." Crowley clicked his fingers and both he and Sam were dressed again. The demon walked to the angel and stared at him. "No Cas," he whispered, low enough that the hunter couldn't hear, "I won't hurt him." Cas walked over to the younger Winchester and tapped him on the forehead once more.

"This needs to end because it's destroying Sam from within. He quickly becomes addicted to the demonic aspect of this relationship and it fuels him as blood does. I worry for you which is why I say this to both of you: either this ends or I tell Dean. He sent me to follow you because he's worried about you, and now I must lie to him. I hate lying but i don't want him to know about this unless absolutely necessarty. This ends today." Cas leveled one last glare at Crowley before disappearing and the two men sat on the bed.

"I don't want this to end Crowley, but I can't let this get back to Dean." Sam whispered, his voice rough with emotion.

"I know, let's give it some time, just until Castiel calms down. I'll see you soon." Crowley leant over and kissed the hunter deeply, before leaving Sam alone with his thoughts.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Well I finally got rid of my writers block, updates should come a bit more frequently. Thank you all for your patience and for continuing to follow! **

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"You're WHAT?"

Crowley let out an irritated sigh and crossed his legs at the knee, leaning back in the small desk chair. "I'm pregnant, Moose. You know, got a bun in the oven. Up the duff. I'm having a baby."

It had been a month since they'd seen each other in private and Sam paced back and forth in front of the demon, running his fingers through his hair. The motel room was cramped, Crowley having only gotten a single to break the news to Sam. The hunter stopped pacing and stood in front of his lover.

"It's not possible. You have a male vessel. You were a man in your human life for fucks sake. I may not have been pre-med but I know that what has happened is biologically impossible." Sam's voice was hoarse with panic as he confronted the demon.

Crowley was hesitant to tell Sam the full explanation but hiding things from the hunter would do him no good. "Ah I thought you'd mention that tidbit. See it's not my vessel that's carrying the brat. It's my demonic form. My true form has that parasite of a child attached to it. When it comes to term we... have to get a vessel for it too." As Sam opened his mouth to protest Crowley held his hand up. "It needs a vessel. There's no way around it. I'm not suggesting we steal a child. I'm not a monster for God's sake." His mouth curled up slightly at the irony. "We adopt a child from someone who doesn't want theirs. Simple."

"And what, you've decided to keep it without even asking my input? This isn't something you can decide without me, Crowley. This is a _baby _you're talking about!" The panic was evident in Sam's voice as he struggled to process what was going on. The demon stood and walked over to Sam, embracing him.

"I can't get rid of it. It's a part of my true form and can only separate when I've carried it to term, so to speak," The words were muffled as Crowley spoke into Sam's chest. The taller man wrapped his arms around his lover and kissed the top of his head. "We'll figure this out. I promise."

"What the _fuck_ is going on here?! You better be kidding about this." At the sound of Dean's voice they sprang apart, guilt flooding their features. The older Winchester was standing at the open door to the motel room, the demon killing knife in his hand. Seeing the look of pure fury on Dean's face had Sam moving to stand in between his brother and Crowley.

Extending his arm in peace, Sam spoke quickly, "Look Dean I'd say it isn't what it looks like but we all know that would be a lie. Yes I fucked up again and by some freak act of nature Crowley is pregnant but hone-" Sam was abruptly cut off by Dean launching himself towards the demon, the intent to kill very clear in his eyes. In practiced movements Sam disarmed his brother and placed himself between the two men again.

"I follow you after you get all secretive again and then you up and leave after getting a text from Crowley. I assumed you were getting juiced on the blood again but this, this is so much worse." Dean's voice was full of rage and hurt.

Tears welled in Sam's eyes as he tried to reason with his brother. "I'm sorry Dean. I really am. I never meant it to get this far." The sound of a throat clearing behind him caught the attention of both hunters and they turned to look at Crowley.

"Well I know where I stand now Sam. Looks like everything you ever said to me was a lie. No fuck off. Don't touch me," Crowley snapped moving away from Sam's reach. "I never should have started this. I'll deal with this mess on my own, as fucking usual." The demon disappeared without a sound and the tears flowed freely from Sam's eyes. He turned to his brother and found a cold glare instead of comfort.

"You really fucked up this time." Dean spat the words at Sam and left the room without a backwards glance, closing the door quietly behind him and leaving his brother crying alone at the mess he was in.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: guys I am soooooooooo sorry for this update being stupidly late, I kinda forgot I was writing it tbh. I'm updating it more regularly now and it's on AO3 as well so there is definitely more.**

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The drive back to the bunker was tense to say the least. Sam had eventually returned to the motel he had been staying at with Dean as they were on a hunt, only to find out his brother had gotten Castiel to wipe out the vampire nest they were tracking so he could calm down. When Dean had realised he couldn't, he had roughly packed all of their things and thrown them in the Impala to await Sam's return. Dean said nothing as he drove through New Mexico, then Oklahoma, then across Kansas. He refused to meet his brothers eye or respond to the pleas for them to talk. Cas was staying away as he hoped Dean would find his absence easier to help process what was going on, but to make matters worse for Sam, Crowley was not answering his phone. Finally it got to the point that Sam locked himself in the Impala with Dean at a gas station 30 miles from their destination in order to get his brother to talk to him. They had been driving solidly back to Lebanon, stopping only when Dean absolutely had to. The thick silence that had filled the car for the eight hour drive had really gotten to Sam; this wasn't the first time they'd done a long drive together whilst angry but this time the younger Winchester felt this needed to be sorted. As Dean closed the drivers side door, Sam hit the locks and held up the keys.

"I'm only letting you drive off when you finally talk to me Dean. Please just let me explain everything to you." When Dean didn't reply, Sam took that as an opening to continue. "Okay. It all started a few months back, when we first moved into the bunker. You had been driving me insane so I went to a motel for a few nights. Crowley found out and came to find out why you weren't there." Sam had been looking at his brother as he spoke and didn't miss the knuckles on Dean's ha do go white around the steering wheel as he listened. While this was a good sign as it meant Dean was actually listening, but since he was coming up to the more sensitive parts of the story Sam sent a silent prayer to Cas to hide in the back of the car in case his brother became violent. Hoping the Angel was listening, Sam continued his explaination.

"He caught me in a compromising position with an old Casa Erotica DVD," Dean's lip twitched despite himself but Sam pretended not to notice, "and he came onto me. It was only supposed to be the one time but there was something about it that made me want to keep doing it. I tried to tell myself it was because I was enjoying being with a man again after being with Amelia for so long, but the more we snuck around, the more I enjoyed being with him. I fell in love, Dean. And I'm sorry I lied to you about it." Sam felt tears of guilt fill his eyes and looked forwards into the dark surroundings outside the Impala. Dean said nothing still, but took his right hand from the wheel and held it open for the car keys. Disheartened, Sam dropped them into his brothers palm.

"Just.. Just give me tonight to process this, Sammy. I'm gonna get us home and we'll talk about this in the morning, but right now I need a drink." Dean's voice was quiet and guarded, but for the first time since he left Sam in that motel room he turned to look at him. "We'll work this out Sam. We always do." Dean started the car and with the tension somewhat diffused the winchesters started for home.

As they pulled into the garage of the bunker they saw Castiel waiting for them. The angel gave Sam a tiny nod, as if to say he had answered the prayer and had been there as Sam explained everything to Dean, and Sam mouthed a 'thank you' back. Cas walked to his partner, took the duffle out of Dean's hands and replaced it with a beer. The hunter leaned into the angel and Sam watched them walk off to their room arm in arm. The love between them is tangible and makes Sam ache for physical contact. He pulled out his phone and dialled Crowley's number for the seventh time that day.

I "You've reached the King. If you're one of mine, leave a message. If you've messed up and need my help, run. And if you're Sam Winchester, go fuck yourself, preferably with a cactus." /I

Sam didn't know whether to laugh at Crowley's voicemail message or let his heart sink lower. Noticing it was now past two in the morning he decided to follow Dean and have a drink before bed. Stopping by the kitchen for the bottle of rum (his new tipple of choice) he slowly makes his way through the bunker to his bedroom.

Dean woke up late for him. Cas is curled up tight against his side in a meditative state he taught himself so he could 'sleep' beside his lover. The hunters mind was clearer now, and he thought back to when his relationship with Castiel was stolen kisses in motel rooms while Sam was at the library or in the shower. He had hated lying about his feelings, his fathers blatant homophobic teachings telling him he was wrong for thinking of another man in that way. Sam had never had that internal war, and had never had an issue with the gender of his lovers; if he chose them it was often because of who they were on the inside. Dean looked down at Cas, so peaceful with his head on the taller man's bare chest, and sighed. He knew he could never go on without Cas at his side considering the way he felt about him, and knowing how similar him and Sam could be, he knew his brother was so deeply in love with Crowley there was no going back. He pulled the angel closer and began to think of a way to get Crowley to talk to Sam.


End file.
